Farewell to Cheetah

As this year comes to a close, the news media is full of stories covering the passing of famous, infamous, or unsung heroes. I would like to take this opportunity to say farewll to one icon who will not make the cover of People Magazine. Never properly recognized for his part in creating what would later be called "A Blended Family", always playing second banana to the guy swinging through the trees in only a loin cloth, Cheetah the Chimpanzee passed away this week at the age of 80.

I received this news yesterday, just before another round of spinal injections of steroids (continued treatment resulting from unfortunate choice of showing Tiny Tot that roller coasters are really not scary) so I have had time to mentally expound on the demise of Cheetah and what is means to the world we knew more than one might  imagine possible. As you recall, I ponder of lesser facts without pharmaceutical assistance, so this was an event that struck me more profoundly that most.

I attempted to have a discussion with Tom Berenger about the whole family/marital setup of Tarzan & Co. and found that the only person in that cool treehouse that was not an illegal immigrant was Cheetah. Seems Tarzan was found as a baby after missionary parents expired of who knows what. Friendly apes took him and raised him. Why they decided to get him that wacky loin cloth never really made sense, but glad his privacy was protected before he went swinging on vines. However, that could have a lot to do with lack of production when Jane showed up.

 And what was the deal with Jane? Where did she come from? Tom B. said she was part of a safari gone awry. So did she have a Patty Hearst situation of abduction by Tarzan? Was she suffering from Stockholm Syndrome? For a chick with a Vassar accent, she sure did rock that little hide dress and seemed pretty comfy in a giant tree with no mosquito netting and certainly no a/c. More proof that Jane was not a Southern girl. Waaaay too agreeable to be happy with a house of twigs and leaves. Sure she did have that cool elevator, but she had to call Simba the Elephant when it needed to go into operation.  The Fabulous Ma'am would have needed a little less  animal hollering and vine swinging and a lot more trying to rip off a chainsaw and build me a house. How did she expect to keep her skin nice living out in the elements,  while Tarzan and his monkey crew were off to The Escarpment? 

 And how come she never managed to at least get some fabric off the lost Europeans that always showed up? And how did she keep that perm going? I mean, how are you going to keep yourself up when all you got is that one tore up frock, no shoes, and certainly no mani-pedi in your future?  I digress.  The more I think about it, I realize Jane was like  those  girls that date Bull Riders. If you need intellectual stimulation you can always talk to yourself. Not speaking from personal experience, just saying. OK.

Then there is the question of Boy? Just where did he come from? Again, TomB. says he was a baby found in a plane wreck.  What kinda mess is going on in the jungle  that only babies survive? ANYWAY, the only stable thing in Tarzan's crew was the loyal chimp, Cheetah. Cheetah seemed to be the brains of the entire group. He was always the one to give  Tarzan the heads up when trouble was coming. Also,the loyal Cheetah always had the best attitude. Definitely a "glass half-full" kind of guy. I loved watching him laugh. He had some great teeth, kinda like Eleanor Roosevelt, but happier. And he never ran off with some lady chimp, disrupting the family unit.

TomB is of the opinion that Tarzan & Jane were shacked up. I do not agree . First of all, they would have needed a shack for that to be the real deal.  I think this was a clear case of common law. Tarzan's vocabulary would not have made it through even a quickie Vegas ceremony.  So, Tarzan, Jane, and Boy became what is today called a non-traditional family. And Cheetah, well he held the whole deal together. He was the anchor-chimp that kept them in the neighborhood.

So, here's to you Cheetah. Not just a primate, but a visionary.

He died as he lived,

 A Chimp.

I remain,

The Fabulous Ma'am

Happy New Year