Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Musings of The Fabulous Ma'am: Boys and their Toys
Musings of The Fabulous Ma'am: Boys and their Toys: Well, things have been a bit crazier than usual around The Fabulous Ma'am's swankienda lately. First of all, Tom Berenger has been up at Cle...
Boys and their Toys
Well, things have been a bit crazier than usual around The Fabulous Ma'am's swankienda lately. First of all, Tom Berenger has been up at Clear Creek Ranch with The Captain working on something called game management. Now, on first hearing of this, I'm thinking what kind of games do they have going on up there that they need managing? That's when Tom Berenger explains that some Yankee lady petitioned the Wildlife Department or whatever the government calls that office that has more time than sense to make the Oryx an "endangered species". You didn't even know they existed, right? So why's this woman all worked up about protecting them? Just so you know, the Oryx is an exotic antelope that , in it's native Africa, is tiger food. In the Texas Hill Country, they live a happy life, get to breed like rabbits, and for a few a thousand dollars, Yankees come out and hunt them. The rest of the time they are like shy pets. Butterball ( she and her mate, Tom) arrived on Thanksgiving one year, so PatsyCline named them after the Pilgrims holiday meal main features.. They went on to have a bunch of babies, the first one we saw was , of course, named Pumpkin Pie. They have beautiful long horns and are just very cool animals. I digress. So, the Yankee lady wins her court case and gets them declared "endangered" starting March. What this means to a rancher is the animals cannot be hunted, will overpopulate, and generally eat you / of house and home. So, Smarty Pants Lady caused all sales of the oryx to be cancelled. An then the Oryx quickly went from soon to be "endangered" to sure as hell extinct. The Capitan invited a Wounded Warrior to come out and take down Tom. Not having the heart to hunt Butterball himself, The Captain had Tom B. come up to put poor old Mama Oryx on the extinct list. It was the birthday weekend for Tom B and also The Captain, so my oldest, The Needs To Be Bachelor, came in for the hunt. Well, Butterball bit the dust with much fanfare. I cried and PatsyCline was unconsolable to have her pets gone.
Another reason we are Republicans in the NRA. What good is it to declare an animal who is not native to Texas as endangered when all that does is destine it to be on the wildlife welfare dole. Don't get me started. PatsyCline is now in bigtime Election year mode and this just fueled the fire.
I mentioned our oldest came home to be with his daddy for the birthday hunt.. Well, as if we dont' have our hands full with our youngest , The Bachelor, put the two of them together with Tom B . and it is WWF, full on cage match. Even though the boys are thirty-ish, they still like to sneak attack their Pa and wrestle. In the front yard. With neighbors watching. Well, all those years of Oil Well Fire Fighting has made TomB as strong as an ox, and they can't take him. He puts them in a figure 4 headlock and makes them say "I am a woman" before he releases the submission hold.
This week brought some unusual crazy of the famous (sorta ) kind. As some of you know, The Fabulous Ma'am never actually produced any youngsters of my own. That is not to say my hands, lap, and kitchen, have ever lacked for children to love, play with, dress up, or on the rare occasion , bail out. God knew I was a mother in need of a child, so he has sent many my way. My two biggest projects have been the Berenger Boys. Imagine the Tasmanian Devil times two, add some muscles, and you have a pretty good picture of my duo. That women love them, only adds to the mayhem. Last year, their ancient great aunt, a maiden lady herself, passed away. She left their mama, her only relative, her estate. The boys went back to The Dominion to help clear out Aunt Diamond's house, preparing it for sale. In a cupboard in the basement, Big Brother found a box of old comic books. 350 to be exact. Remembering when they were little , Aunt Diamond mentioned she had comics they could add to their fledgling collection of Superman comics (now called Graphic Novels). Nothing more was ever said about it. Big Brother mentioned to a friend that he had this cool old comic where Superman is fighting Adolph Hitler. Pretty cool. Well, that 's when it started. After a little Internet research, a well placed call to a comic book auction house, a skeptical guy in a suit showed up. When he saw what the boys had in the cardboard boxes, he called The Brinks Truck. And today, as they say, history was made. What started out as two boys and their comic books this morning, ended with Fox news stalking The Fabulous Ma'am for "my story". How did I feel that my boys had sold 45 comic books, originally purchased for 10cents each, for $3.5million dollars? My phone hasn't stopped ringing. All these years I have prayed those two wouldn't make the paper( unfortunate brushes with THE MAN)and now they are in the Wall Street Journal. Sister was laughing at me as I told her on my iPhone that the TV people were in my yard. Had to put her on hold while I told those pesky people from Live at Five, to stop calling me. I just pray they don't buy a monkey before that get home. Not sure what we need to get a Yankee primate back to Texas.
Then, I get a call from my beloved tot, Trixie. She is in New York for the big auction and not having a good time at all. Had to go to OUR auction this morning, didn't even get to talk on TV and had to sit there and be still. Did you know, Ma'am that if you move around alot in an auction, they charge you money and will put a kid in jail if you don't pay a lot?. We don't do that at home. Did get to go to FAO Schwartz, so that was pretty cool but now Daddy B won't let her be on David Letterman with him. She told him she was calling Texas and he was gonna be in big trouble if Ma'am had to get involved. Sister and I agree that Trixie could be the next FruitCake Lady on Letterman. Trixie said if we can go to the Castle and just have "quality time" for a little while, she will be ok. The Castle is also known as JW Marriott Hill Country. It is her favorite place in the world. Tons better than New York. New York doesn't even have a Lazy River and not any land at all! Funny that Tom Berenger has the exact same view of NYC. The Fabulous Ma'am, however, with Sister in tow, could be quite content at The Plaza even without The Lazy River.
Well, my little Trixie will be home tomorrow night and I love that nothing holds the same atttraction for her as being the baby and pampered child of The Fabulous Ma'am. Unless, of course, Letterman gets her before she gets back to Texas.
I remain,
The Fabulous Ma'am
Another reason we are Republicans in the NRA. What good is it to declare an animal who is not native to Texas as endangered when all that does is destine it to be on the wildlife welfare dole. Don't get me started. PatsyCline is now in bigtime Election year mode and this just fueled the fire.
I mentioned our oldest came home to be with his daddy for the birthday hunt.. Well, as if we dont' have our hands full with our youngest , The Bachelor, put the two of them together with Tom B . and it is WWF, full on cage match. Even though the boys are thirty-ish, they still like to sneak attack their Pa and wrestle. In the front yard. With neighbors watching. Well, all those years of Oil Well Fire Fighting has made TomB as strong as an ox, and they can't take him. He puts them in a figure 4 headlock and makes them say "I am a woman" before he releases the submission hold.
This week brought some unusual crazy of the famous (sorta ) kind. As some of you know, The Fabulous Ma'am never actually produced any youngsters of my own. That is not to say my hands, lap, and kitchen, have ever lacked for children to love, play with, dress up, or on the rare occasion , bail out. God knew I was a mother in need of a child, so he has sent many my way. My two biggest projects have been the Berenger Boys. Imagine the Tasmanian Devil times two, add some muscles, and you have a pretty good picture of my duo. That women love them, only adds to the mayhem. Last year, their ancient great aunt, a maiden lady herself, passed away. She left their mama, her only relative, her estate. The boys went back to The Dominion to help clear out Aunt Diamond's house, preparing it for sale. In a cupboard in the basement, Big Brother found a box of old comic books. 350 to be exact. Remembering when they were little , Aunt Diamond mentioned she had comics they could add to their fledgling collection of Superman comics (now called Graphic Novels). Nothing more was ever said about it. Big Brother mentioned to a friend that he had this cool old comic where Superman is fighting Adolph Hitler. Pretty cool. Well, that 's when it started. After a little Internet research, a well placed call to a comic book auction house, a skeptical guy in a suit showed up. When he saw what the boys had in the cardboard boxes, he called The Brinks Truck. And today, as they say, history was made. What started out as two boys and their comic books this morning, ended with Fox news stalking The Fabulous Ma'am for "my story". How did I feel that my boys had sold 45 comic books, originally purchased for 10cents each, for $3.5million dollars? My phone hasn't stopped ringing. All these years I have prayed those two wouldn't make the paper( unfortunate brushes with THE MAN)and now they are in the Wall Street Journal. Sister was laughing at me as I told her on my iPhone that the TV people were in my yard. Had to put her on hold while I told those pesky people from Live at Five, to stop calling me. I just pray they don't buy a monkey before that get home. Not sure what we need to get a Yankee primate back to Texas.
Then, I get a call from my beloved tot, Trixie. She is in New York for the big auction and not having a good time at all. Had to go to OUR auction this morning, didn't even get to talk on TV and had to sit there and be still. Did you know, Ma'am that if you move around alot in an auction, they charge you money and will put a kid in jail if you don't pay a lot?. We don't do that at home. Did get to go to FAO Schwartz, so that was pretty cool but now Daddy B won't let her be on David Letterman with him. She told him she was calling Texas and he was gonna be in big trouble if Ma'am had to get involved. Sister and I agree that Trixie could be the next FruitCake Lady on Letterman. Trixie said if we can go to the Castle and just have "quality time" for a little while, she will be ok. The Castle is also known as JW Marriott Hill Country. It is her favorite place in the world. Tons better than New York. New York doesn't even have a Lazy River and not any land at all! Funny that Tom Berenger has the exact same view of NYC. The Fabulous Ma'am, however, with Sister in tow, could be quite content at The Plaza even without The Lazy River.
Well, my little Trixie will be home tomorrow night and I love that nothing holds the same atttraction for her as being the baby and pampered child of The Fabulous Ma'am. Unless, of course, Letterman gets her before she gets back to Texas.
I remain,
The Fabulous Ma'am
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